Alright. It’s about time I wrote something about this. I think ever since I’ve got my own love life settled, I tend to forget about one of the hottest topics in metaphysics – love & romance! The last time I wrote about this topic was last year when I was still single and it was on choosing a good partner using BaZi.
A lot of my BaZi clients come to me as a couple for compatibility readings, so I thought it’d be a good time to (finally) write something on the subject of BaZi compatibility.
Before I move on, I wish to make the definition of compatibility very clear. Compatible refers to being “able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict”. Now you might ask, why are so many people who don’t seem right together, still together? That’s where “affinity” comes in, or what we call yuan fen (緣分) in Chinese.
These negative examples of a toxic relationship are more aptly called a ‘fatal attraction’ which the Chinese call nie yuan (孽缘) rather than “having an affinity with each other”. A couple may have an affinity with each other, but they may not be compatible. Likewise, two people may be compatible, but may not end up together. You can see affinity as the mysterious force that draws people together. What happens next is another story.
First Things First: Stop Using BaZi Compatibility Calculators
Everyone needs stop using online love calculators or BaZi compatibility calculators. They are completely useless and just a marketing gimmick.
BaZi analysis and chart interpretation are not as simple as it looks, and a primitive calculator that is based on a few lines of code will not be able to convey what a practitioner can convey because BaZi itself is abstract art and codes are unable to convey that.
Are Daymaster Compatibilities Accurate And Legitimate?
A lot of people or BaZi enthusiasts like to assess compatibility just by looking at the Daymasters. If they are a Yang Metal person, they would assume a Yin Wood person is compatible; if they are an Yin Water person, they would assume a Yang Earth person is compatible with them.
I have to point out here and now that this is the completely wrong way to assess compatibility. Not only is it primitive, but it has no theoretical basis at all. Yes, you might find that you clique better with Daymasters you combine with or you might even be more attracted to them, but most of the time this is psychological. I’m sure there are plenty of moments where you are attracted to or fell for someone with another Daymaster.
The art of assessing BaZi compatibility has a lot more depth to it and you need to look at the chart as a whole and deep dive into each aspect of the chart, such as:
- What does the Spouse Element of each individual chart indicate?
- What does the Spouse sector in the BaZi chart indicate?
- What happens when the Spouse element is a beneficial element, but the Spouse sector sits a destructive element, vice versa.
- How do we take into account the “Luck Pillars” or Elemental Phases?
There are a whole lot of other things to look out in order to assess whether you’re going to have a blissful relationship, and eventually, marriage with another person.
Case Study On BaZi Compatibility
Let’s look at a case study below:
The above two chart-holders used to be a couple. The Yang Metal chart belongs to the male whereas the Yang Earth chart belongs to the female. You should be able to deduce their genders based on the direction their 10-Year “Luck Pillars” are going.
This is a classic case of high affinity but low compatibility. High affinity because a practitioner can immediately tell why these two BaZi charts are drawn together because the ‘story’ behind these charts fit one another; low compatibility because these two charts simply just don’t have what the other chart requires. Even if we were to look at the charts individually, there is a whole series of problems.
I’ll sum up my thoughts in point form to make it easier for everyone to digest:
- The male chart’s Wood element, representing the spouse or wife, is extremely weak. The Yin Wood/Yi Wood, in particular, represents the spouse. Despite it being able to combine with the Yang Metal in a Yang Metal + Yin Wood combination, which signifies high affinity, it’s not a constructive combination because the output is Metal which is the male chart holder’s destructive element.
- The female chart is overwhelmed with Earth, with her Daymaster being extremely strong. Wood also happens to represent her spouse as that is her Officer ‘god’. However, she is born during the month if wei which is the ‘Wood Tomb’, and on to of that,is it being assaulted by a wei-xu “Punishment” combination (未戌刑). Wood being in the ‘Wood Tomb’ already makes the element weak enough, adding a wei-xu “Punishment” makes it worse. Imagine something is already in its tomb, and you’re still trying to get get rid of it and wipe it off the face of the Earth. The presence of Water in her chart has no effect on strengthening Wood at all because of Yin Water being absorbed away by Yang Earth.
- One interesting thing to note is that the female will benefit more in this relationship because the male chart’s dominant element is the one which the female chart most requires which is Metal. The female chart’s dominant element is considered a destructive element from the perspective of the male chart so the male stands to gain nothing from this union.
The male chart holder is actually a hedge fund manager. He’s successful, wealthy, but when it comes to his love life, he’s not exactly having an easy time. The female chart holder, on the other hand, has no stable career and is nowhere as successful as the male chart holder.
Without mincing my words, the conclusion is that these two charts point towards an extremely challenging and toxic love life, and it is precisely due to this reason that these two people ended up together because their charts tell the same ‘story and points to the same direction. The consolation for these two charts is that both do encounter somewhat positive 10-year “Luck Pillars”, but both their charts are too imbalanced and volatile. To maintain a stable, fulfilling relationship will be extremely difficult.
A Couple’s Chart Will Not Contradict Each Other In Most Cases
I recall writing about this before, but a couple’s chart will not contradict each other. The simplest way to put this is that who we end up with is, in a way, fated. If your chart says that you are going to have a challenging marriage or marry someone who isn’t good for you, chances are you won’t end up with someone with a high-quality chart.
In other words, if a woman’s chart says that her husband will do well, the husband’s chart will indicate the same thing if I were to analyze it on its own. They will always paint the same coherent story. There’s a reason why we end up with the person we are with. Think about it from a spiritual angle and you’ll get what I’m trying to say. For Buddhists, a toxic relationship is like a debt that needs to be repaid, whereas a blissful is good karma you’ve planted somewhere along the way.
Whenever I look at a couple’s chart, there will be a “Now that’s why they are together” moment. The logic behind the analysis of the combined charts should not contradict. Only those who have transcended their charts will veer away from this law without even realizing, but to date, I’ve not met anyone who has transcended their charts especially when I analyze it from the angle of marriage.
I think most of us would agree that a lot of relationships out there fail, simply because the people who get themselves into these relationships aren’t ready, or for some reason, choose to hang on to a relationship that is toxic or just not working out. It’s important to remember that in order to attract someone who can truly make our lives more fulfilling, we need to make sure we focus on ourselves first and be worthy of that. To put it in a metaphysics perspective, you will never see someone with a bad or low-quality astrological chart with someone with a high-quality one.
How Is BaZi Compatibility Analysis Performed?
There are a few ways of doing this. Beginners who are new to metaphysics often apply the simplest and most straight forward method, which is to look at the Day Branch (日支) of the chart and which of the 10 ‘gods’ appear there. The technique itself is correct but there are still several other factors to look out for during the application. To name a few steps:
- The overall quality of the chart, which most beginners aren’t able to assess accurately. Assessing a chart’s quality requires a deep understanding of chart structures and interactions between the 10 ‘gods’. If someone has a low-quality BaZi chart, it will definitely impact the marriage quality.
- Which are the favourable and destructive elements? This will, in turn, determine which ‘gods’ are favourable and whether the positive or negative side of them manifest and also the character and personality of the chart-holder. This is also required to find out the role the Spouse element plays in the BaZi chart and whether the Day Branch is favourable.
- Do the charts possess the element the other chart most requires? Or do the respective Pillars of the two charts clash with each other?
- Did you take the person’s “Luck Pillars” or Elemental Phases (运) into consideration? Because what you go through and whether the environment is against you will definitely have an impact on your marriage.
Let’s take the below chart for example:
The above female chart may have a strongly rooted Direct Officer (正官), but does that automatically mean the marriage will be good or that the husband will be capable? Here is a quick commentary:
- Firstly, the Spouse element is not a beneficial element for this chart. On top of that, it is also being harmed by an extremely strong Hurting Officer. This alone tells us this is a chart that will cause the downfall of the husband which we call ke qi (克妻) in Chinese.
- The Day Branch is supportive, which means this female will benefit from the marriage, but at the same time harm her husband. It’s a very one-sided relationship unfortunately where the husband is clearly on the losing end.
If there’s anything I want to convey, it’s to leave BaZi compatibility to the professional so you can save yourself the mental and emotional turmoil. I’m not saying this because I’m hoping to get more business, but the reality is that this isn’t a skill you can pick up just like that. Really. I’ve seen enough cases where people try to interpret the charts themselves only to cause more trouble for themselves.
Is BaZi or Zi Wei Dou Shu Better At Analyzing My Love Life?
I don’t have a preference when it comes to the methods used and I usually combine both during my BaZi consultations. It really depends on what the objective is. The reason why I combine methods is because it helps deepen my understanding of metaphysics and astrology when I first started out. It’s also a good way of checking whether the interpretation is on the right track as you can cross-check using both methods. This style has stuck ever since I started giving professional consultations.
Both methods have their pros and cons. BaZi gives a quick, accurate overview of things but that’s not to say it’s less accurate although it sacrifices a bit on the details. Zi Wei Dou Shu is a bit more precise and can analyze the root cause and areas affected in a bit more detail, but drawing the conclusion takes significantly more time and effort. For Zi Wei Dou Shu, the Palaces (宮位) to analyze when we talk about love & marriage are the Marriage (夫妻宮)，Career (事業宮)，Karma (福德宮)，Finance (財帛宮) Palaces. Remember, every aspect of our life is interconnected. If your health suffers, your career suffers. When your career suffers, your marriage suffers. Some Palaces have a closer relationship with others, but there’ll come a point where you realize your life only progresses as far as your weakest Palace takes you. You should still always see and appreciate how different aspects of our lives impact each other.
I’ve written a lot about my views on love and relationships from a Chinese metaphysics perspective. You can find some of them here. If you have friends or family who done a BaZi compatibility reading before and it left them confused, do share this with them! There is always a technique and logic behind the analysis and I hope I managed to demystify it a little.
Am I Destined To Have A Bad Love Life Forever?
I always tell my clients that our ancestors will not spend centuries developing metaphysics just to tell us we can’t do anything about it. Your BaZi chart isn’t everything. It describes the unfolding of the laws that govern your life, yes, but there is still free will at play. This gets into a very philosophical debate which I won’t go into for now. The only thing I can say is that of all the clients who came to me with issues with relationships and marriage, most of them weren’t ready for one and got into it for the wrong reason.
The important question to ask yourself is why got into a toxic relationship in the first place assuming you’re in one. Is it because you have a side that needs healing? Or that you hold some unhealthy beliefs of what a relationship should be like. It might even be because of the way you grew up and the family environment you were in. I’m not the best person to ask about such things because it goes into fields like childhood development and psychology which I do not specialize in. The only thing I can say is that, yes, it takes a lot of effort to transcend one’s chart. The more important question – are you going to try?
Meanwhile, here’s wishing everyone a blissful relationship and marriage! If you’re looking for a compatibility reading, you can go ahead and fill-up the BaZi Consultation Request Form to get started.
P.S. If you’re interested in reading up more on compatibility from a metaphysics perspective, you can refer to this blog post: Spouses Who Bring “Good Luck – A BaZi & Zi Wei Dou Shu Perspective”
Hi Master Sean, with reference to your point “these two people ended up together because their charts tell the same story”, it seems to mean that things are pre-destined; the future can’t be changed. If yes, how can it be that “Your BaZi chart isn’t everything. It describes the unfolding of the laws that govern your life, yes, but there is still free will at play”? If we change even one small thing, we may change the whole future, eg. if Jane saw Joe on facebook but didn’t connect with him, she won’t get a job referred from him, or marry him, or whatever. Please enlighten us about this often-debated issue: If the future can be predicted, then it is fixed & can’t be changed? Many thanks.
To put it simply, if your chart reveals you’re meant to marry someone toxic, and you know that your partner is toxic. Then please just don’t get married. Altering the course is that simple but people don’t usually end up doing this. As for your other romantic theories – no need to go that far. You just need to know if you wish to find a good partner, you’ll need to do well yourself first. You’ll only end up with someone with the chart quality. I believe my other posts address this.
Have u came across couples asking for wedding date but the charts do not look positive for them? Any way to change their “fate” or how would you advise?
Yes, I have of course. If one wants to “change their fate”, they just need to change themselves. This is a very generic way of putting things, but people’s relationships and marriages fail because they’re not ready to be in a relationship and they don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. A lot of people get into a relationship because they’re afraid of being by themselves and they don’t realize it’s a lot of work and responsibilities.
It may sound obnoxious but i believe the female is big bized, beefy, egoistical, hot tempered due to overshot fire earth,
and blames everyone except for their own mistakes.
Think you’ve not seen my tone in other blog posts. ;P If you’re obnoxious then I must be s***. It’s fine calling bad people out for what they are.
She’s a strong water, he’s a strong earth, he got what elements she needs but she doesn’t for him since he probably needs output??
Does that mean she will like him more than he likes her? So the animal in spouse palace of the two can not clash/harm/destruction/ punishment for them to be compatible..?
How is the female’s most dominant element a destructive one to the male? That strong Earth needs metal..
I reckon you’re referring to the first two charts? How did you come to the conclusion that the female chart is a strong Water chart?
Can you explain more about 三方四正. I’m interested.