Alright. It’s about time I wrote something about this. I think ever since I’ve got my own love life settled, I tend to forget about one of the hottest topics in metaphysics – love & romance! The last time I wrote about this topic was last year when I was still single. A lot of my recent clients come to me as a couple for BaZi compatibility readings so I thought it’d be a good time to (finally) write something on the subject of BaZi compatibility.
Before I move on, I wish to make the definition of compatibility very clear. Compatible refers to being “able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict”. Now you might ask, why are so many people who don’t seem right together, still together? That’s where “affinity” comes in, or what we call 緣分 in Chinese. These negative examples of a toxic relationship are more aptly called a ‘fatal attraction’ rather than “having an affinity with each other”. A couple may have affinity with each other, but they may not be compatible. Likewise, two people may be compatible, but may not end up together. Let’s look at a case study below:
The above two chart-holders used to be a couple. The left/top chart belongs to the male; right/bottom chart belongs to the female.
This is a case of high affinity but low compatibility. High affinity because a practitioner can immediately tell that the ‘story’ behind these two charts fit one another; low compatibility because these two charts simply just don’t have what the other chart requires. I’ll sum up my thoughts in point form to make it easier for everyone to digest:
- The male chart’s Wood element, representing the spouse or wife, is extremely weak. The Yin Wood (乙) in particular represents the spouse or wife. Despite Yin Wood (乙) being able to combine with the Yang Metal (庚), which signifies him as it is his Daymaster, it’s not a constructive combination. Whether a combination is good or not depends on a lot of things, such as your chart structure and beneficial elements (喜神 and 相神), which I won’t cover for now.
- The female chart is overwhelmed with Earth, with her Daymaster being extremely strong. Wood also happens to represent her spouse. The Wood element is in the ‘Wood Tomb’ which is 未 while being assaulted by 未戌刑 – being in the ‘Wood Tomb’ already makes the element weak enough, adding a 未戌刑 to the equation is really another level up in terms of weakening. The presence of Water in her chart has no effect on strengthening Wood at all.
- One interesting thing to note is that the female will benefit more in this relationship because the male chart’s dominant element is the one which the female chart most requires, whereas the female chart’s dominant element is considered a destructive element from the perspective of the male chart.
Without mincing my words, the conclusion is that these two charts point towards an extremely challenging and toxic love life, and it is precisely due to this reason that these two people ended up together because their charts tell the same ‘story and points to the same direction.
A Couple’s Chart Will Not Contradict Each Other In Most Cases
I recall writing about this before, but a couple’s chart will not contradict each other. In other words, if a woman’s chart says that her husband will do well, the husbands chart will indicate the same thing if I were to analyze it. There’s a reason why we end up with the person we are with. Think about it from a spiritual angle and you’ll get what I’m trying to say. For Buddhists, a toxic relationship is like a debt that needs to be repaid, whereas a blissful is good karma you’ve planted somewhere along the way. To expect one person to transcend his or her chart is already rare enough, but to expect two people or a couple to do it is even more so.
Whenever I look at a couple’s chart, there will be a “now that’s why they are together” moment. The logic behind the analysis of the combined charts should not contradict. Only those who have transcended their charts will veer away from this law without even realizing, but to date I’ve not met anyone who have transcended their charts.
Am I Destined To Have A Bad Love Life Forever?
I always tell my clients that our ancestors will not spend centuries developing metaphysics just to tell us we can’t do anything about it. Your BaZi chart isn’t everything. It describes the unfolding of the laws that govern your life yes, but there is still free will at play.
The important question to ask is asking and exploring why you got yourself into a toxic relationship. Is it because you have a side that needs healing? Or that you hold some unhealthy beliefs of what a relationship should be like. Yes, it does take a lot of effort to transcend one’s chart. The more important question – are you going to try?
How Is Compatibility Analysis Performed?
There are a few ways of doing this. Beginners who are new to metaphysics often apply the simplest and most straight forward method, which is to look at the Day Stem (日支) of the chart and which of the 10 ‘gods’ appear there. The technique itself is correct but there are still several other factors to look out for during the application. To name a few steps:
- The overall quality of the chart, which most beginners aren’t able to assess accurately. Assessing a chart’s quality requires a deep understanding of chart structures and interactions between the 10 ‘gods’.
- Which are the favourable and destructive elements? This will in turn determine which ‘gods’ are favourable and whether the positive or negative side of them manifest and also the character and personality of the chart-holder.
- Do the charts possess the element the other chart most requires? Or do the respective Pillars of the two charts clash with each other?
- Did you take the person’s ‘Luck Phases’ (運) into consideration? A person is always growing and his or her life is always changing – this has to factored in.
Let’s take the below chart for example:
The above chart may have a strong rooted Direct Officer (正官), but does that automatically mean the marriage will be good or that the husband will be capable? You can let me know your thoughts in the comments below and we can have a discussion about it.
Is BaZi (八字) or ZiWeiDouShu (紫微斗數) Better At Analyzing My Love Life?
I don’t have a preference when it comes to the methods used. It really depends on what the objective is. I love using both methods. In order to deepen my understanding of metaphysics and astrology when I first started out, I developed the habit of analyzing both the BaZi and ZiWeiDouShu chart of my clients concurrently and this practice has stuck ever since. It acts as a counter check for the analysis done on one’s chart, which is another important reason why I combine both BaZi and ZiWeiDouShu during my consultations. I’ve come to realize how useful it is to know and apply two methods at the same time. Seeing the parallels appear in the charts generated by two different methods and having a mechanism to counter check really helps in developing one’s proficiency in analysis as well.
Both methods have their pros and cons. BaZi gives a quick, accurate overview of things, but sacrifices a bit on the details. ZiWeiDouShu is able to go into more detail, but drawing the conclusion takes significantly more time and effort. For 紫微斗數, the Palaces (宮位) to analyze when we talk about love & marriage are the Marriage (夫妻宮)，Career (事業宮)，Karma (福德宮)，Finance (財帛宮) Palaces. Remember, every aspect of our life is interconnected. If your health suffers, your career suffers. When your career suffers, your marriage suffers. Some Palaces have a closer relationship with others which we call the 三方四正 in Chinese, but all in all, you should still always see and appreciate how different aspects of our lives impact each other. There can be many reasons why a a marriage or relationship breaks down, and personally, I would say that a Zi Wei Dou Shu consultation provides more insight into someone’s relationship because it is a more advanced technique after all and Zi Wei Dou Shu allows us to look at where and how the problems of a relationship arise whereas BaZi can’t.
Some Tips If You Are Using BaZi (八字) or Zi Wei Dou Shu (紫微斗數) For Insights On Your Love Life
You don’t always have to wait till you find someone before you get a chart reading. Practitioners can already draw: several insights based on your chart alone. Our BaZi and Zi Wei Dou Shu chart in a description of our karma in a way, and some of us do go through relationship ordeals in order to learn and grow. Below are some of my thoughts on how you can approach metaphysics regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship:
- Assessing whether someone will make a good partner. There are often things we don’t know about a person until we get into a relationship with them. Metaphysics is able to give us a glimpse into the other person’s inner world.
- Seeing if you have the tendency to fall for the wrong person. Many of us don’t realized what we go through in life affects our choices in our partners, your chart can reveal if there’s anything to look out for
- When would be the ideal time for you to get into a relationship. Timing such decisions are important – it’s sometimes better to focus on our own lives before thinking of relationships. The better we do in our lives, the better our relationships will be.
- Identifying weaker areas in the relationship. All aspects of life are interconnected, and sometimes the strains of the relationship stem from career, finances and even health. Addressing these weaker areas will definitely benefit the relationship.
- The stage in life where the relationship will be strained, and this may be due to career setbacks or even health issues which affect your mood and emotions to name a few examples. It’s not always about extra-marital affairs.
- Helping you see the relationship in a new perspective, and making use of that information to help both you and your partner to grow.
At the end of the day, metaphysics is not about forecasting and predicting random events that will happen to you – it was never about that. Metaphysics is the wisdom of living, which encompasses self-awareness and personal growth.
I’ve wrote about my views on relationships before. You can find some of them here. If you have friends or family who have gone for a compatibility reading before, and they aren’t sure how it was done, do share this with them! There is always a technique and logic behind the analysis and I hope I managed to demystify it a little.
Meanwhile, here’s wishing everyone a blissful relationship and marriage! As always, don’t be afraid to reach out or leave a comment if you have questions!
For those looking for an astrological chart reading
You will be able to get insights on your love life just by looking at your own chart. You don’t have to wait till you find someone. If you wish to get a reading, fill up the form in the link below and I’ll reach to get things started.