Alright. It’s about time I wrote something about this. Since I’ve settled my love life, I tend to forget about one of the hottest topics in metaphysics – love & romance! The last time I wrote about this topic was last year when I was still single and it was on choosing a good partner using BaZi.
Many of my BaZi clients come to me as a couple for compatibility readings, so I thought it’d be a good time to (finally) write something on the subject of BaZi compatibility.
Before I move on, I wish to clarify the definition of compatibility. Compatible refers to being “able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict”. Now you might ask, why are so many people who don’t seem right together still together? That’s where “affinity” comes in, or yuan fen (緣分) in Chinese. Affinity can be positive or negative, and you can see it as the karmic bond that two people have.
These negative examples of a toxic relationship are more aptly called a ‘fatal attraction’, which the Chinese call nie yuan (孽缘) rather than “having an affinity with each other”. A couple may have an affinity with each other but may not be compatible. Likewise, two people may be compatible but may not end up together. You can see affinity as the mysterious force that draws people together. What happens next is another story.
The bottom line is this: Compatibility and affinity are two different things, so don’t mix them together. They aren’t mutually exclusive.
First Things First: Stop Using BaZi Compatibility Calculators
Everyone needs to stop using online love calculators or BaZi compatibility calculators. They are completely useless and just a marketing gimmick.
BaZi analysis and chart interpretation are not as simple as it looks, and a primitive calculator based on a few lines of code will not be able to convey what a practitioner can convey because BaZi itself is abstract art, and codes cannot convey that.
It’s not just about the natal chart and the story it tells. You will also need to assess the Elemental Phases and transits that one goes through to assess whether a chart-holder is at the stage of life where they are ready to be in a relationship. Being in a different 10-Year Elemental Phase can make a huge difference to that person’s love life.
Are Daymaster Compatibilities Accurate And Legitimate?
Many people or BaZi enthusiasts like to assess compatibility by looking at the Daymasters. If they are a Yang Metal person, they would assume a Yin Wood person is compatible; if they are a Yin Water person, they would assume a Yang Earth person is compatible with them.
I have to point out here and now that this is the wrong way to assess compatibility. Not only is it primitive, but it has no theoretical basis at all. Yes, you might find that you clique better with Daymasters you combine with or you might even be more attracted to them, but most of the time, this is psychological. There are plenty of moments where you are attracted to or fall for someone with another Daymaster.
The art of assessing BaZi compatibility has a lot more depth to it and you need to look at the chart as a whole and deep dive into each aspect of the chart, such as:
- What does the Spouse Element of each individual chart indicate?
- What does the Spouse sector in the BaZi chart indicate?
- What happens when the Spouse element is beneficial, but the Spouse sector sits a destructive element, vice versa.
- How do we consider the “Luck Pillars” or Elemental Phases?
There are many other things to look out for to assess whether you will have a blissful relationship and, eventually, marriage with another person.
Case Study On BaZi Compatibility
Let’s look at a case study below:
The above two chart-holders used to be a couple. The Yang Metal chart belongs to the male, whereas the Yang Earth chart belongs to the female. You should be able to deduce their genders based on the direction their 10-Year “Luck Pillars” are going.
This is a classic case of high affinity but low compatibility. High affinity because a practitioner can immediately tell why these two BaZi charts are drawn together because the ‘story’ behind these charts fits one another; low compatibility because these two charts simply don’t have what the other chart requires. Even if we were to look at the charts individually, there is a whole series of problems.
I’ll sum up my thoughts in point form to make it easier for everyone to digest:
- The male chart’s Wood element, representing the spouse or wife, is extremely weak. The Yin Wood/Yi Wood, in particular, represents the spouse. Despite it being able to combine with the Yang Metal in a Yang Metal + Yin Wood combination, which signifies high affinity, it’s not a constructive combination because the output is Metal which is the male chart holder’s destructive element.
- The female chart is overwhelmed with Earth, with her Daymaster being extremely strong. Wood also happens to represent her spouse as that is her Officer ‘god’. However, she is born during the month of ‘wei’ (未), which is also known as the ‘Wood Tomb’, and on top of that, it is being assaulted by a wei-xu “Punishment” combination (未戌刑). Wood being in the ‘Wood Tomb’ already makes the element weak enough. Adding a wei-xu “Punishment” makes it worse. Imagine something is already in its tomb, and you’re still trying to get rid of it and wipe it off the face of the Earth. The presence of Water in her chart does not affect Wood’s strengthening because Yang Earth absorbs Yin Water away.
- One interesting thing to note is that the female will benefit more in this relationship because the male chart’s dominant element is the one the female chart most requires, which is Metal. The female chart’s dominant element is considered a destructive element from the perspective of the male chart, so the male stands to gain nothing from this union.
The male chart holder is a hedge fund manager. He’s successful, wealthy, but when it comes to his love life, he’s not having an easy time. On the other hand, the female chart holder has no stable career and is nowhere as successful as the male chart holder.
Without mincing my words, the conclusion is that these two charts point towards an extraordinarily challenging and toxic love life. This is precisely why these two people ended up together because their charts tell the same, congruent story. A couple’s chart will not contradict each other. The consolation for these two charts is that both encounter somewhat positive 10-year “Luck Pillars”, but both are too imbalanced and volatile. Maintaining a stable, fulfilling relationship will be extremely difficult because everything falls apart when a bad year hits.
A Couple’s Chart Will Not Contradict Each Other In Most Cases
I recall writing about this before, but a couple’s chart will not contradict each other. The simplest way to put this is that who we end up with is, in a way, fated. If your chart says that you will have a challenging marriage or marry someone who isn’t good for you, chances are you won’t end up with someone with a high-quality chart.
In other words, if a woman’s chart says that her husband will do well, the husband’s chart will indicate the same thing if I were to analyze it on its own. They will always paint the same coherent story. There’s a reason why we end up with the person we are with. Think about it from a spiritual angle and you’ll get what I’m trying to say. For Buddhists, a toxic relationship is like a debt that needs repaying, whereas a blissful is good karma you’ve planted somewhere along the way.
Whenever I look at a couple’s chart, there will be a “Now that’s why they are together” moment. The logic behind the analysis of the combined charts should not contradict. Only those transcending their charts will veer from this law without realizing it. I’ve not met anyone who has transcended their charts, especially when I analyze it from the marriage angle.
I think most of us would agree that a lot of relationships out there fail simply because the people who get themselves into these relationships aren’t ready or for some reason, choose to hang on to a relationship that is toxic or just not working out. It’s important to remember that to attract someone who can truly make our lives more fulfilling. We must ensure we focus on ourselves first and be worthy of that. To put it in a metaphysics perspective, you will never see someone with a bad or low-quality astrological chart with someone with a high-quality one.
How Is BaZi Compatibility Analysis Performed?
There are a few ways of doing this. Beginners new to metaphysics often apply the most straightforward method: look at the Day Branch (日支) of the chart and which of the 10 ‘gods’ appear there. The technique itself is correct, but several other factors remain to look out for during the application. To name a few steps:
- The overall quality of the chart, which most beginners aren’t able to assess accurately. Assessing a chart’s quality requires a deep understanding of chart structures and interactions between the 10 ‘gods’. If someone has a low-quality BaZi chart, it will impact the marriage quality.
- Which are the favourable and destructive elements? This will, in turn, determine which ‘gods’ are favourable, whether their positive or negative side manifests, and the character and personality of the chart-holder. This is also required to determine the role of the Spouse element in the BaZi chart and whether the Day Branch is favourable.
- Do the charts possess the element the other chart requires? Or do the respective Pillars of the two charts clash with each other?
- Did you consider the person’s “Luck Pillars” or Elemental Phases (运)? Because what you go through and whether the environment is against you will impact your marriage.
Let’s take the below chart for example:
The above female chart may have a strongly rooted Direct Officer (正官), but does that automatically mean the marriage will be good or that the husband will be capable? Here is a quick commentary:
- Firstly, the Spouse element is not a beneficial element for this chart. On top of that, it is also being harmed by an extremely strong Hurting Officer. This alone tells us this is a chart that will cause the husband’s downfall, which we call ke qi (克妻) in Chinese.
- The Day Branch is supportive, which means this female will benefit from the marriage but simultaneously harm her husband. Unfortunately, it’s a very one-sided relationship where the husband is clearly on the losing end.
If there’s anything I want to convey, it’s to leave BaZi compatibility to the professional so you can save yourself the mental and emotional turmoil. I’m not saying this because I’m hoping to get more business, but the reality is that this isn’t a skill you can pick up just like that. Really. I’ve seen enough cases where people try to interpret the charts themselves only to cause more trouble for themselves.
Is BaZi or Zi Wei Dou Shu Better At Analyzing My Love Life?
I don’t have a preference regarding the methods used and I usually combine both during my BaZi consultations. It depends on what the objective is. The reason why I combined methods is because it helped deepen my understanding of metaphysics and astrology when I first started. It’s also a good way of checking whether the interpretation is on the right track, as you can cross-check using both methods. This style has stuck ever since I started giving professional consultations.
Both methods have their pros and cons. BaZi gives a quick, accurate overview of things, but that’s not to say it’s less accurate, although it sacrifices a bit on the details. Zi Wei Dou Shu is a bit more precise and can analyze the root cause and areas affected in more detail, but concluding takes significantly more time and effort. For Zi Wei Dou Shu, the Palaces (宮位) to analyze when we talk about love & marriage are the Marriage (夫妻宮)， Career (事業宮)， Karma (福德宮)， Finance (財帛宮) Palaces. Remember, every aspect of our life is interconnected. If your health suffers, your career suffers. When your career suffers, your marriage suffers. Some Palaces have a closer relationship with others, but there’ll come the point where you realize your life only progresses as far as your weakest Palace takes you. You should always see and appreciate how different aspects of our lives impact each other.
I’ve written much about my views on love and relationships from a Chinese metaphysics perspective. You can find some of them here. If you have friends or family who have done a BaZi compatibility reading before and it confused them, do share this with them! There is always a technique and logic behind the analysis and I hope I managed to demystify it a little.
Am I Destined To Have A Bad Love Life Forever?
I always tell my clients that our ancestors will not spend centuries developing metaphysics to tell us we can’t do anything about it. Your BaZi chart isn’t everything. It describes the unfolding of the laws that govern your life, yes, but there is still free will at play. This gets into a philosophical debate I won’t go into for now. The only thing I can say is that of all the clients who came to me with issues with relationships and marriage, most weren’t ready for one and got into it for the wrong reason.
The vital question to ask yourself is why you got into a toxic relationship in the first place and where the error in judgement came from. Is it because you have a side that needs healing? Or that you hold some unhealthy beliefs about what a relationship should be like. It might even be because of the way you grew up and the family environment you were in. I’m not the best person to ask about such things because it goes into fields like childhood development and psychology which I do not specialize in. The only thing I can say is that it takes a lot of effort to transcend one’s chart. The more important question – are you going to try?
Meanwhile, here’s wishing everyone a blissful relationship and marriage! Also, if you’re looking for a compatibility reading, fill up the BaZi Consultation Request Form to get started.
Cheers,
Sean
P.S. If you’re interested in reading up more on compatibility from a metaphysics perspective, you can refer to this blog post:
