Alright. It’s about time I wrote something about this. Since I’ve settled my love life, I tend to forget about one of the hottest topics in metaphysics – love & romance! The last time I wrote about this topic was last year, when I was still single, and it was on choosing a good partner using BaZi.

Many of my BaZi clients come to me as a couple for compatibility readings, so I thought it’d be a good time to (finally) write about BaZi compatibility.

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify the definition of compatibility. Compatible refers to being “able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict”. Now you might ask, why are so many people who don’t seem right together still together? That’s where “affinity” comes in, or yuan fen (緣分) in Chinese. Affinity can be positive or negative, and it is often viewed as a karmic bond between two people.

These negative examples of a toxic relationship are more aptly called a ‘fatal attraction’, which the Chinese call nie yuan (孽缘) rather than “having an affinity with each other”. A couple may have an affinity with each other but may not be compatible. Likewise, two people may be compatible but may not end up together. You can see affinity as the mysterious force that draws people together. What happens next is another story.

The bottom line is this: Compatibility and affinity are two distinct concepts, so don’t confuse them. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

First Things First: Stop Using BaZi Compatibility Calculators

Everyone should stop using online love or BaZi compatibility calculators. They are completely useless and just a marketing gimmick.

BaZi analysis and chart interpretation are not as simple as they appear, and a primitive calculator based on a few lines of code cannot convey what a practitioner can convey, because BaZi is an abstract art form, and code cannot convey that.

It’s not just about the natal chart and the story it tells. You will also need to assess the Elemental Phases and transits a chart-holder experiences to determine whether they are at a life stage ready for a relationship. Being in a different 10-Year Elemental Phase can make a huge difference to that person’s love life.

Are Daymaster Compatibilities Accurate And Legitimate?

Many BaZi enthusiasts assess compatibility by examining the Daymasters. If they are a Yang Metal person, they would assume a Yin Wood person is compatible; if they are a Yin Water person, they would assume a Yang Earth person is compatible.

I have to point out that this is the wrong way to assess compatibility. Not only is it primitive, but it also lacks any theoretical basis. Yes, you might find that you click better with Daymasters you combine with, or you might even be more attracted to them, but most of the time, this is psychological. There are many moments when you are attracted to or fall for someone with another Daymaster.

The art of assessing BaZi compatibility has a lot more depth to it, and you need to look at the chart as a whole and deep dive into each aspect of the chart, such as:

• What does the Spouse Element of each individual chart indicate?
• What does the Spouse sector in the BaZi chart indicate?
• What happens when the Spouse element is beneficial, but the Spouse sector sits with a destructive element, vice versa.
• How do we consider the “Luck Pillars” or Elemental Phases?

There are many other things to look out for to assess whether you will have a blissful relationship and, eventually, marriage with another person.

Case Study: The “Toxic” Hedge Fund Manager Couple

Let’s look at a case study below. First, let’s set the parameters:

• Male Chart: Weak Wood (Spouse Element). Needs Metal.
• Female Chart: Strong Earth. “Wood Tomb” present.
• The mismatch: Her chart “Tombs” his Spouse Element. His chart feeds her excessive Earth.
• Result: High Affinity (Karmic Bond) but Zero Compatibility (Destructive).

The two chart-holders mentioned above were a couple. The Yang Metal chart belongs to the male, whereas the Yang Earth chart belongs to the female. You should be able to infer their genders from the direction their 10-Year “Luck Pillars” are moving.

This is a classic case of high affinity but low compatibility. High affinity because a practitioner can immediately tell why these two BaZi charts are drawn together, because the ‘story’ behind these charts fits one another; low compatibility because these two charts simply don’t have what the other chart requires. Even if we look at the charts individually, there are a series of problems.

I’ll sum up my thoughts in point form to make it easier for everyone to digest:

• The male chart’s Wood element, representing the spouse or wife, is extremely weak. The Yin Wood/Yi Wood, in particular, represents the spouse. Despite being able to combine with Yang Metal in a Yang Metal + Yin Wood combination, which signifies a high affinity, it’s not a constructive combination because the output is Metal, the male chart holder’s destructive element.
  
• The female chart is dominated by Earth, with her Daymaster being exceptionally strong. Wood also represents her spouse, as that is her Officer ‘god’. However, she was born during the month of ‘wei’ (未), which is also known as the ‘Wood Tomb’, and on top of that, it is being assaulted by a wei-xu “Punishment” combination (未戌刑). Wood being in the ‘Wood Tomb’ already makes the element weak enough. Adding a wei-xu “Punishment” makes it worse. Imagine something is already in its tomb, and you’re still trying to get rid of it and wipe it off the face of the Earth. The presence of Water in her chart does not affect Wood’s strengthening because Yang Earth absorbs Yin Water away.
  
• One interesting thing to note is that the female will benefit more in this relationship, since the male chart’s dominant element is the one the female chart most requires: Metal. The female chart’s dominant element is considered destructive from the male chart’s perspective, so the male stands to gain nothing from this union.

The male chart holder is a hedge fund manager. He’s successful and wealthy, but in his love life, he’s not having an easy time. On the other hand, the female chart holder has no stable career and is nowhere near as successful as the male chart holder.

Without mincing my words, the conclusion is that these two charts point towards an extraordinarily challenging and toxic love life. This is precisely why these two people ended up together, because their charts tell the same, congruent story. A couple’s chart will not contradict each other. The consolation for these two charts is that both encounter somewhat positive 10-year “Luck Pillars”, but both are too imbalanced and volatile. Maintaining a stable, fulfilling relationship will be extremely difficult because everything falls apart when a bad year hits.

A Couple’s Chart Will Not Contradict Each Other In Most Cases

I recall writing about this before, but a couple’s charts will not contradict each other. The simplest way to put this is that who we end up with is, in a way, fated. If your chart says that you will have a challenging marriage or marry someone who isn’t good for you, chances are you won’t end up with someone with a high-quality chart.

In other words, if a woman’s chart indicates that her husband will do well, the husband’s chart will show the same if I were to analyse it on its own. They will always paint the same coherent story. There’s a reason why we end up with the person we are with. Consider it from a spiritual perspective, and you’ll understand what I’m trying to convey. For Buddhists, a toxic relationship is like a debt that needs repaying, whereas a blissful one is good karma you’ve planted somewhere along the way.

Whenever I look at a couple’s chart, there will be a “Now that’s why they are together” moment. The logic behind analysing the combined charts should not contradict each other. Only those transcending their charts will veer from this law without realising it. I haven’t met anyone who has transcended their charts, especially when I analyse them from a marriage perspective.

I think most of us would agree that many relationships fail simply because the people who get into them aren’t ready, or, for some reason, choose to stay in a toxic or not-working relationship. It’s important to remember that to attract someone who can truly make our lives more fulfilling. We must ensure we focus on ourselves first and be worthy of that. To put it in a metaphysical perspective, you will never see someone with a bad or low-quality astrological chart alongside someone with a high-quality one.

How Is BaZi Compatibility Analysis Performed?

There are a few ways of doing this. Beginners new to metaphysics often apply the most straightforward method: look at the Day Branch (日支) of the chart and which of the 10 ‘gods’ appear there. The technique itself is correct, but several other factors should be monitored during application.

4 Steps To Assess Real BaZi Compatibility

1. Assess Chart Quality (The Foundation): A high-quality chart (balanced) rarely marries a low-quality chart (broken structure): The overall quality of the chart is something most beginners can’t assess accurately. Assessing a chart’s quality requires a deep understanding of chart structures and interactions between the 10 ‘gods’. If someone has a low-quality BaZi chart, it will affect the quality of the marriage.
   
2. Check Element Exchange: Does your partner have the Element (e.g., Water) your chart is lacking? Do the charts possess the element that the other chart requires? Or do the respective Pillars of the two charts clash with each other?
   
3. Analyse the Spouse Palace: Is the Day Branch (Spouse Sector) favourable or under attack (Clash/Harm)?
   
4. Sync the Luck Pillars: Are both partners entering a “Good Phase” simultaneously? (Couples often share similar luck trajectories.)

Let’s take the chart below, for example:

The above female chart may have a strongly rooted Direct Officer (正官), but does that automatically mean the marriage will be good or that the husband will be capable? Here is a quick commentary:

• First, the Spouse element is not beneficial in this chart. Additionally, it is being harmed by an extremely strong Hurting Officer. This alone tells us this is a chart that will cause the husband’s downfall, which we call ke qi (克妻) in Chinese.
• The Day Branch is supportive, meaning this female will benefit from the marriage but will also harm her husband. Unfortunately, it’s a very one-sided relationship where the husband is clearly on the losing end.

If there’s anything I want to convey, it’s to leave BaZi compatibility to the professional so you can avoid the mental and emotional strain. I’m not saying this to get more business, but the reality is that this isn’t a skill you can pick up overnight. Really. I’ve seen enough cases where people try to interpret the charts themselves, only to cause more trouble for themselves.

BaZi vs. Zi Wei Dou Shu for Love: Which is Better?

I don’t have a preference regarding the methods used, and I usually combine both during my BaZi consultations. It depends on the objective. I combined methods because it deepened my understanding of metaphysics and astrology when I first started. It’s also a good way of checking whether the interpretation is on the right track, as you can cross-check using both methods. This style has stuck ever since I started giving professional consultations.

Both methods have their pros and cons. BaZi provides a quick, accurate overview, but it’s not less accurate; it simply sacrifices some detail. Zi Wei Dou Shu is slightly more precise and can analyse the root cause and affected areas in greater detail, but the conclusion requires significantly more time and effort. In Zi Wei Dou Shu, the Palaces (宮位) to analyse when discussing love & marriage are the Marriage (夫妻宮), Career (事業宮), Karma (福德宮), and Finance (財帛宮) Palaces. Remember, every aspect of our life is interconnected. If your health suffers, your career suffers. When your career suffers, your marriage suffers. Some Palaces have a closer relationship with others, but there’ll come a point where you realise your life only progresses as far as your weakest Palace takes you. You should always recognise and appreciate how different aspects of our lives intersect and influence one another.

BaZi gives the macro overview of the relationship’s potential; Zi Wei Dou Shu reveals the specific root causes of conflict.

I’ve written much about my views on love and relationships from a Chinese metaphysics perspective. You can find some of them here. If you have friends or family who have had a BaZi compatibility reading before and were confused, please share this with them. There is always a method and logic behind the analysis, and I hope I have demystified it a little.

Am I Destined To Have A Bad Love Life Forever?

I always tell my clients that our ancestors will not spend centuries developing metaphysics to tell us we can’t do anything about it. Your BaZi chart isn’t everything. It describes the unfolding of the laws that govern your life, yes, but free will is still at play. This gets into a philosophical debate I won’t go into for now. The only thing I can say is that of all the clients who came to me with issues with relationships and marriage, most weren’t ready for one and got into it for the wrong reason.

The key question to ask yourself is why you entered a toxic relationship in the first place and where your judgment went wrong. Is it because you have a side that needs healing? Or that you hold some unhealthy beliefs about what a relationship should be like. It might even be because of the way you grew up and the family environment you were in. I’m not the best person to ask about these topics, as they involve areas such as childhood development and psychology, which I don’t specialise in. The only thing I can say is that it takes significant effort to transcend one’s chart. The more important question: will you try?

In the meantime, here’s wishing everyone a blissful relationship and marriage! Also, if you’re looking for a compatibility reading, fill out the BaZi Consultation Request Form to get started.

Cheers,
Sean

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