“Spouse Element” is a modern mainstream term of pointing out which element in your chart represents either you romantic partner, wife, or husband. Whenever we assess the quality of someone’s marriage using BaZi, we always have to look at the Spouse Element and the role it plays in the chart. A more traditional and accurate way of addressing the “Spouse Element” is to look at the specific ‘god’ that represents the spouse. For male chart-holders, we always look to the Direct Wealth ‘god’. For female chart-holders, we always look at the Direct Officer ‘god’. Indirect Wealth and Indirect Officer can be used too if the official Spouse Element is missing.
One of the occupational ‘hazards’ that I have is that I will always look at someone’s BaZi before I decide to go out for a date. Yes it’s a little calculative on my part and it kills off the romance a little, but given the number of client’s I’ve advised on love-related matters and looking at my own parents, I can’t help but put my BaZi skills to use. I don’t just use it for my romantic life, but I use it to decide whom I want around in my life too.
Like it or not, BaZi compatibility is a very real phenomenon in Chinese metaphysics and it matters. It can save you from a major heartbreak, many years of your life and a lot of your money. Utilizing Chinese metaphysics for matters of the heart, of course, requires a bit of faith in our Chinese sages and what they passed down, and also on the practitioner you are engaging. Not many people are willing to let Chinese metaphysics and BaZi be part of their selection process for a partner, but I don’t blame them. We are all emotionally driven after all. Relationships are complicated and we don’t always make the most rational decision. Who we end up also has a bit to do with karma because if our own individual BaZi charts are bad, it’s going to be difficult attracting a good partner too.
Why Being Practical With Love Is Important
A lot of my clients have come to me for a consultation when they’re in the middle of a divorce, and I feel for them for having to go through so much pain and suffering, and I feel even more for their children as I come from a dysfunctional family myself and I know how traumatizing it can be for a child when the relationship between the parents aren’t healthy. I wouldn’t want that for myself, and neither for my own children, hence I fully make use of the gift that I have when it comes to making one of the most important life decisions that one has to make.
I don’t think everyoned needs me to point this out: Not everyone makes a good partner, and not everyone is ready for a relationship. To get into a relationship, or marriage, when you are not ready, is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. True, a difficult relationship helps learn about yourself and grow sometimes, but most people prefer to avoid all this drama on hindsight and wished they went into a relationship being a bit more prepared.
Most people feel that applying Chinese metaphysics before a relationship even begins is bastardizing love itself. But I personally feel that there is nothing wrong being a bit more practical about love and neither is there is no need to over-romanticize things. In fact, a lot of my clients who approached me with relationship issues wish they came to me before they got together with someone. Perhaps you would appreciate this more if you were ever in a toxic or abusive relationship.
The discussion on whether one is ready or not for a relationship is going to be a long one, but I won’t go into it here. All I can is that the way we grew up, our relationship with our parents, and our innate characters all play a part. A BaZi chart might be able to reveal all these, but it will require the practitioner to have a lot of life experience for him or her to tell you that it might be your parents’ influence that is causing your bad decisions in partners.
There Are Some People Who Should Never Get Married
Are there charts that should never get married? Of course there are. There are people with certain charts that you should definitely avoid.
A Male Chart That Harms The Wife
The above chart on the left belongs to a male, where Yang Earth (戊土) representing his spouse. We can immediately tell a few things above this chart:
- Although the Fire element is the most critical one here, there is no doubt that the Earth element is also considered very important and should not be harmed.
- We can clearly see that Yang Earth, representing the wife, gets severely harmed by Yang Wood manifesting as the Rob Wealth ‘god’. This naturally means the wife of the chart-holder will not do well in life.
- It does not help that the chart-holder hs obvious character flaws as a Rob Wealth person. On top of that, yin-si-shen Punsihemtn also appears in his natal chart.
A Female Chart That Harms The Husband
The above female chart-holder has an extremely strong Hurting Officer (伤官) ‘god’ harming her spouse element of Yang Earth, which is also her Direct Officer. The Spouse Element of Yang Earth here is being harmed beyond redemption, and this example here is the worst case of a ‘spouse harming’ chart I’ve ever seen. What makes matters worst is that the Elemental Phases continue to strengthen Wood and the harm on the Spouse Element gets amplified.
What Does The Spouse Element Tell Us?
People fail to understand when you look at someone’s BaZi chart, you are looking at the person’s inner world, how they behave and how they treat a certain aspect of their lives.
Looking at the Spouse Element is not just looking at your future potential partner. More importantly, it is also looking at how the chart-holder treats his or her spouse and their attitude towards marriage.
I have come across countless charts who have a similar structure to the above two examples. Their relationships have always been very unstable where their partners would suffer due to some character flaw that they have. It comes to a point where their partners wonder why they even got married to them.
The above examples are people who should never get married because people like them have absolutely nothing to offer in a relationship other than negativity and toxicity. They can be very self-centred and vindictive nature. They will argue to win and never compromise, and most often than not put their partners down with no consideration for their feelings or well-being. There is no such thing as loving-kindness and compassion in the relationship. One important thing to remember is that only people with lower quality BaZi charts will allow themselves to be with someone like the above two examples. As I’ve always said, we will almost always end up with someone with the same chart quality, because a couple’s chart will paint a cohesive story.
If you have a hard time relating to what I said above, that’s fine. Because no one wants to be familiar with a toxic relationship dynamic. But just know that they exist. If you’re someone who has been focusing on your own growth and getting your priorities right, it probably means you have a good BaZi chart, and naturally, you’ll be able to attract a good partner too.
The Spouse Element From Your Own Chart’s Perspective
The above two cases are from the perspective of looking at your potential partner’s chart. There’s one other angle which I’ve not yet touched on, which is to look at your own chart and see the role it plays.
We ideally want the Spouse Element to play a positive role in the chart because it means the partner will play a positive role in the chart. Needless to say, such BaZi charts will have the best marriages, but it is also extremely rare. There will cases where even though your partner does not outrightly harm you, they will still feel stifling for the lack of a better word to put it. They might limit your own growth if they are not handling their lives well, and you end up having to help them instead of both focusing individually on your own goals and aspirations.
The harsh truth is that not all marriages are going to be happy, or easy. Some marriages can be described as two people coming together just to suffer together. It’s harsh, but it is true. These are things we can tell in a BaZi chart too, although I’ll leave that for another discussion.
This is precisely the reason why in ancient times, arranged marriages were prevalent or people would get their BaZi charts matched before deciding they wish to spend the rest of their lives together with another person. In modern days, more often than not, we go with our hearts and not our heads and we get into relationships without knowing why we want to be in one. Companionship is always nice, but even more importantly, your partner is someone who must be able to bring out the best in you and give you the inspiration to achieve greater things and imbue you with a sense of purpose. One thing that I realized from my consultations is that the people who end up in fulfilling relationships have a very clear idea why they wish to be in a relationship, whereas those in the troubled relationships are those who wish to fill a void within them, needed healing in one form or another, or were just really afraid of being alone. In a way, our BaZi charts can tell us of our karmic debt with have when it comes to relationships, and some of us end up with the wrong people as we have a debt to return or a lesson to learn.
One of the interesting things that I’ve noticed as well is that the charts of the couples have a very strong correlation when it comes to a certain aspect of their lives – I have never seen a married couple where one chart says the marriage will be excellent, whereas the other says otherwise. I guess it as a little to do with fate as well; as much as everyone would like to pick a partner who would be good to them to the point we have to bring their BaZi charts to the table, whether we do end up with such a great partner totally different story. If you wish to hear more of this perspective, please read this blog post: On Love, Marriage & Spouses Who Bring ‘Good Luck’ – A BaZi & Zi Wei Dou Shu Perspective
As a BaZi consultant, what I can do to save a marriage is severely limited. I can provide insights from a metaphysical perspective as to why things are happening the way they are and what the universe has in store for the married couple, but to change things and transcend one’s chart, as I’ve always said, is the chart-holder’s responsibility.
P.S. If you are looking to have your chart analyzed, or you wish to assess your compatibility with someone, please head over to my BaZi consultation page to have a look. Fill up the form when you’re ready and I’ll be in touch.