I can’t tell you how happy and fulfilled I am right now. Everyone, meet Lucian. Lucian stems from the word “light” in Latin, and I kid you not, I fell in love with this name through a video game. He represents the Sun, and if and when I have a daughter, I’ll name her Luna, and she’ll be the Moon. Astrologer dad’s kid’s names, basically.
My son is SO cute. If not for privacy reasons, I’d happily show him off to the world and let everyone know how happy I am to have such an adorable child to wake up to. He is at the 95th percentile in terms of size, but I’m pretty sure he’s at the 95th percentile in terms of cuteness too. He always smiles – and he smiles at everyone. He’s pretty expressive for his age, and his baby coos can melt the coldest of hearts.
Is this the happiness and fulfilment my friends always tell me about? I think I finally understand now.
I live each day like it’s a miracle and a gift from Heavens, and I don’t say this in a pretentious way to try to make my life sound charmed. Anyone who knows me and has read my story knows my life is far from charmed.
Life feels like a gift and miracle now because a part of me still can’t believe I got here. Statistically, someone of my background would have likely ended up in a dysfunctional relationship and marriage, and we wander through life clinging on to the pain and identity we cannot let go of. Most people aren’t as ‘lucky’ as I am, and I thank Heavens for the mind and spirit I was imbued with.
Do I have a good BaZi and Zi Wei Dou Shu chart? I’d proudly tell you that I bloody do. People always think I’m ‘lucky’. Few see the blood, sweat, and tears I’ve had to shed to have what I have today.
The past few months have been simply magical for me. I’ve never felt this way in my entire life, naturally. I’m physically exhausted but my heart is so full. All these wouldn’t have been possible without my amazing wife. I will always give her credit, and she can have all of it. Everything that I have today would be meaningless if she didn’t let me know what it was like to have a family. My marriage is healthy, warm, loving, and deeply fulfilling – not perfect (and I don’t expect it to be), but it’s definitely much better than most. We worked hard on our marriage, on our flaws, and on our differences. I’m grateful that our marriage is filled mostly with laughter and warmth.
My wife and I are very different people, and we come from very different backgrounds, but something about my marriage just works, but it is also because we’ve made it a point for it to work. She is beautiful and loving. She is textbook 旺夫 and she has always uplifted me in her own ways. She has never once made me feel inadequate or like a lesser person. I want to do better, and I’m motivated to do better so that she can have a better life.
We finally have a son whom we can extend our love towards. Having a child has brought my wife and I even closer – we communicate even more deeply now, and we have a shared goal. Granted that having a child does bring about more challenges, but it is overcoming these challenges that make everything more fulfilling. If I wanted to bring my son up well, my marriage has to work – and it’s definitely working. Suddenly, the events I’ve gone through decades ago seem to be the most valuable thing I could have gone through. The Yin and Yang of things…
My wife healed me as an adult; my son healed my inner-child because I now experience the love I never got by being the one who provides it.
The First Few Months As A New Father
I always knew I would kindda enjoy being a father, but I wasn’t expecting myself to enjoy being a father THAT much. My astrological chart indicated that fatherhood would change me profoundly, but as I always said, until the event happens – you won’t be able to appreciate how it unfolds and impacts you.
Fatherhood has brought back a side of myself that I’ve somewhat lost. It may surprise you, but I wasn’t always this blunt, brutal, and sometimes somewhat unempathetic person you perceive online. I remember myself as a very soft person when I was younger, and the adults who have seen my younger self can attest to that.
For the first few weeks of my son’s arrival, I could not help but cry whenever I held my son in my arms. It’s hard to put it in words. I remember being deeply moved for a plethora of reasons: My wife endured ten months of pregnancy and childbirth to bring life into this world, and seeing her go through everything and being a mother now makes me love her so much more. I also never knew it was possible to love someone the moment you meet him. As I held my son in my arms, I instantly knew that I was right all these years – I would not be like the two low-life degenerates who gave birth to me.
I really don’t know how to put things in words other than to say that it felt like I was carrying a miracle in my arms. This little human came from mere cells, and he now has a consciousness and will have a personality in future.
His birth gave a quiet comfort and validation to everything I had to go through. Everything was worth it, and I know my son will now bring out the best in me, and I hope I will bring out the best in him.
It’s only been a few months, but the journey has been deeply fulfilling and healing, and I know it’ll continue to be. There is no milestone more significant than this: no goal is more important than making sure I get fatherhood right.
Moving Forward As An Astrologer Dad
The curious thing about being an astrologer is that I already know what my son will be like and what he will go through. I’m heartened to know that his chart is pretty good. It’s not quite what I expected, but it’s better than most charts I’ve seen. I always thought he would be a tough, hardened individual, and I guess I unconsciously chose a chart like that for the c-section because of the way I am. But it turns out Heavens has greater plans, and he’s going to be a soft, gentle soul. It’s as though he’s sent here to teach me things and unlearn a few habits – and he already has.
He was supposed to be delivered via c-section because my wife wanted one, but he arrived earlier, so we went with natural delivery in the end. I left everything to fate and destiny, and I did not try to interfere at all, having full faith that my child would have a good chart because I knew exactly what kind of father I wished to be and what my purpose was for having a child. I knew Heavens would not let me down because there is nothing I want more than a happy family and to break the generational curse.
I’m glad I can relate to many more of my clients who are parents now. My heart goes out to the clients who are good people and good parents because now I know how difficult and tiring it is to raise a child, especially in Singapore. Good parents and people will always be in my prayers, and I will always do what I can to help them without expecting anything in return. On the flip side, people who bring life to this world only to cause them suffering will still always feel my wrath because there is really no excuse to live this way.
I might be a father now, but some things about me will never change – it’s just that my energy and attention will be channelled elsewhere instead of raging at people I don’t have to care about.
Common Sense Tells You My Past Does Affect The Kind Of Practitioner I Am
Just like how your own past has influenced and affected you today, mine does, too. It’s naive to think that our past and childhood have no impact on us, and I’m not just talking about our parents here. I wrote long ago about the Yin and Yang nature of things and that good and bad are the same. Your success and good times are the reasons for your failure today; your failures and suffering are the reasons for your success today.
I think back to the many milestones and different ‘eras’ I’ve had: I was a soft-spoken practitioner who just started out until I was not; I tolerated nonsense and abuse from clients until I didn’t; and perhaps I was an angsty and ruthless practitioner until I was not.
I know intuitively that becoming a father will change how I am as a practitioner. Good or bad – it still remains to be seen, although I am rather hopeful about it. My emotional spectrum has widened even further as I experience emotions completely new to me, and I guess I can empathise with a lot more things now.
I grew up not knowing what love felt like, but I now have it in abundance. Not just from family, but also from friends.
I will never deny that the kind of practitioner I am today is heavily influenced by my past, and I have mentioned this multiple times in my reflective posts. It’s not something I hide. In fact, this is something I embrace – because if Family Service Centres aren’t going to f*** toxic parents up, then I sure as hell will. Being self-aware and constantly having deep and difficult conversations with myself is important, and I believe I wouldn’t have gotten here if I hadn’t done this. In some ways, I know some might argue that I am ‘projecting’ my issues onto others, and I’m not even going to try to deny that. We all do. It’s a bit like someone’s stupidity can never be kept to oneself, and others must suffer for it. Do I have to be so ruthless with toxic parents and Cat. 4 garbage and berate them? I know there is always a choice not to react the way I do, but we are creatures of emotion, and we are driven by them. Our charts reflect our inclinations, and it is impossible for me not to react the way I do when it comes to toxic parents. People like to focus on the mere fact that I am raging instead of what and who I’m raging about.
In a strange twist of fate, becoming a parent did not make me even angrier at the toxic parents or clients. It’s as though there is a full acceptance of what is and the reality of things.
Which is that some people are truly useless, hopeless, and pathetic. If it’s not the lack of awareness that one needs to change, then it is the lack of will. Because if you can become a parent and still choose to be a degenerate – the world is better off if you didn’t exist. If a child can’t help you ‘get it’ – you will never ‘get it’.
The laws that protect children are better than before, but only when it comes to extreme cases involving physical violence and abuse. It is still not able to achieve much when it comes to parents who are irresponsible, manipulative, narcissistic, and simply can’t function well as human beings with weak character. I’ve given plenty of examples on my Instagram page, so I won’t repeat them here.
To fail so miserably at human relations, marriage, and raising a child… What a wasted life. How sad that innocent children suffer.
The Practitioner & Astrology I Aspire To Be
I don’t think I’ll ever stop asking myself what kind of practitioner and astrologer I aspire to be. I love being in my own thoughts – I am never bored, never lonely, and I will never feel left out. If I’m not socialising, I’m exploring something new – and it could be something new about my mind.
I’m still and always will be acutely aware that my industry does not have a good reputation. It’s seen as an industry where scammers thrive and prey on the weak and vulnerable. I cannot reiterate enough how sad it is that Chinese metaphysics and astrology are perceived this way. You can’t blame society for it, but at the same time – you can – because a large part of society comprises people who want shortcuts, and a good life is always measured by having lots of money.
I only discovered that the problem in Chinese metaphysics and the esoteric industry was worse than it looked in recent years, which is why I spent some time talking about mental illness and spiritual narcissism in some of my blog posts last year.
I’ve said this many times: For me, the best way to be an astrologer or practitioner is to, well, be normal – and lead a fulfilled and meaningful life. If I had an eidetic memory and could memorise everything I read about astrology, but I fail to live life, have emotions, and experience things – I don’t think I’d be able to do what I’m doing. Suppose I were a 38-year-old virgin, and the only thing I’ve ever made love to was my right hand. In that case, I don’t think anyone would take me seriously when I give them input on relationships, regardless of whether it was an astrological perspective or not.
I find no point in being enigmatic, dressing weirdly, and talking funny. I don’t even advertise myself. If I do not live life the best I can and embrace both the good and the bad, how can I do what I do effectively? How do I make someone understand that an imbalanced life only leads to suffering, or that what’s doing what’s right might not be that clear cut and that it’s better to divorce your narcissistic wife who is threatening to kill your children rather than cling to the illusion of a ‘complete’ family?
The only queer thing I do is pick clients and whom I wish to engage. Some say I do this to selectively ‘prey’ on others, but mind you, what I’m trying to do here is engage clients who are high functioning and can think for themselves because they have always been the intended audience for astrology, instead of people who lack self-awareness and can’t think critically. The clients I wish to serve are the last people on Earth that can be preyed on.
I guess I’m trying to say here that I’m constantly evolving as a practitioner. I’m really curious how I’ll become now that I’m a father.
How I conduct and deliver my messages will be different in each of the different eras I am in, and it will also change according to how my client demographic changes. I will not speak to a Gen Z like I do to a Gen X or Boomer. Millennials and Gen Zs are the future, whereas Gen Xers and boomers, in all honesty, have had their chance, and the only thing they can do now is to pray for a good reincarnation.
Whatever it is, the astrologer’s purpose is to show people how to live effectively. That aspiration will always stay. I hope becoming a father will make me a better practitioner somehow. I live, I experience life, and experience how charts unfold.
The Stories Of Our Charts
If I could describe my role in another way, I’d say I am a collector of stories.
Chinese metaphysics practitioners and astrologers study the laws and patterns that govern our world. I never felt that these laws were complicated. They are simple laws, but their infinite iterations give them emergent complexity.
I’ve spoken to so many different people in my lifetime, and a very cliche and old saying stands true.
Everyone wants the same thing.
Everyone wants the same thing, but how it is expressed—how effectively and healthily it is expressed—is always different. Chinese astrology doesn’t convey things as well as Western astrology because the ancient Chinese were always more practical, but the zodiac signs represent part of our psyche and what we need as humans.
We all want love and emotional security, independence, intellectual stimulation, material security, the belief in an ideal and the courage to pursue it, justice, pleasure, and the opportunity to experience personal transformation.
I love my job because the stories of other people’s lives will always fascinate me. Everyone and every mind is so different, and I always ask, “Why do people think and act the way they do? What is it like to have their life?” Truly, the best part of my job is the people I meet and the stories I hear. There is never a boring day, although there are boring people. Some stories are truly inspiring, whereas some are tragic. But whatever it is, there’s always something to learn from someone with an outstandingly blessed chart, as well as an atrocious, cosmic garbage-level chart.
I wonder what my son’s story will be. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to live (actually, I kindda know) to see his story unfold, but I’m just glad to know I’ll be part of his story. How will he remember me? Will his children remember me?
I don’t know. I don’t care.
I’m just glad I can be part of his story, and I can’t wait to see how our stories unfold together. I’m all ready to teach him whatever I know, and as long as he’s happy and healthy – that’s all that matters to me. I don’t want him to have it too easy, though – because pain, failure, and suffering build character. I want him to be a stronger and wiser man than I ever could be, and if he ever does fall – I will be there to pick him up and let him understand why we fall and what it means to enjoy having a fighting spirit.
What kind of father I’ll be at the end of the day remains to be seen. I just hope I don’t disappoint my wife, myself, and my son. It’s interesting because my wife and son make up my Mercury Cazimi – my universe. I can’t wait to form new memories with my family and see how my children react when they discover what I do. Will they find it silly? Or will they find it cool?
Life Is Good For Now – And I Hope It Stays That Way
Life’s pretty good right now, and no words can express just how grateful I am for this. As much as I have to accept impermanence as a way of things, I hope things stay like this for as long as possible. If and when I get thrown a challenge again, I can only pray that I handle it with the wisdom and resilience required of me.
The ‘anchoring’ effect a family has on someone invites a sense of peace and harmony into their life. Nothing is too tiring or tough as long as your family is well-fed, provided for, and comfortable. I’m sure most people out there feel the same, and if you don’t, may I ask what you started a family for then?
I’ve never had so many friends visit my home before. Thanks to my little kid, there’s never been so much buzz, love, and precious memories in the house. It warms my heart to see friends, both old and new, having their hearts warmed by my child and seeing them hold him in their arms. My child smiles at everyone – and I mean everyone. Most of us have forgotten how it feels to have an infant smile at us with pure innocence and love. Many of my ex-clients who became friends have also come to hold my baby, and I’d like to think I’m doing something right with my life to have forged such meaningful friendships.
I can’t travel as much and as freely as I would like to now, and I’m at home most of the time now. My life is about simple joys now – at least for the time being – and I’ve always made it a point for it to be simple. I don’t need to wear Prada – just give me Birkenstocks. Simple joys are waking up to see my son smiling at me and my wife giving me a hug; simple joys are having a meal together as a family; and simple joys are chores like bathing my child and seeing him have fun in the water.
Wealth, to me, isn’t money. It’s time. It is doing whatever I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want. Nothing makes me feel wealthier than spending time with my loved ones and friends.
Old things also suddenly have more joy now… Like my wife affectionately cupping my balls as she walks past me to let me know that I’m still that I’m not just a dad – but still a daddy.
– Sean
P.S. You all didn’t seriously think this post was going to have a decent ending, did you?
